In the midst of all of the laughs brought about by Tina Fey's brilliant portrayal of VP candidate Sarah Palin, the clip that has gotten the most play is her line about how Palin can see Russia from her house. It was indeed hilarious, and Fey's delivery is impeccable. But I'm guessing that whoever wrote the joke probably had the biggest smile of anyone afterwards.
A lot of the humor relating to the Alaska governor is pretty obvious. Talk show monologues and the editorial pages of papers are full of moose jokes these days. So I was blown away that the guffaw of the night came on subject matter that was much more subtle. Bravo.
Watching the coverage of Palin in recent weeks, I was astonished that members of her party actually floated the foreign policy through proximity theory shortly after she was named by McCain. I figured it was initially blurted out and immediately regretted for the utter bullshit that it was. Palin's work in Alaska didn't make her an expert on Russia, any more so than the mayor of Key West's participation in the Fantasy Fest parade makes them an authority on Cuban communism. But when Palin actually said herself a few days later that being across the Bering Sea from the former USSR had brought her up to speed, I could do nothing but shake my head.
Still, voters have heard equally astounding claims in this country from people they have subsequently elected. So I wondered if the masses had noticed this nonsense. But Fey seems to have answered that question. Lots of people (and hopefully plenty of them swing voters) noticed and were getting a hearty laugh out of it.
Fast forward to the first post-nomination interview of Palin by ABC's Charles Gibson last week, and more jaw-dropping subject matter about Russia popped up. Just when we were wondering if the word "Charlie" was going to be uttered more times that night than during the entire Tet Offensive, Palin dropped a bombshell. She told Gibson of a circumstance under which war with Russia would be necessary.
Huh?!?!?!?
I won't even bother with talking about how preposterous that statement was. Deaf babies in incubators know it was a dumb thing to say. But once again, was America listening?
We may have to wait until Fey's next appearance as Palin to find out, but you know who was listening? Russia. Guess that whole "war" thing sparked a little interest.
Yep, the big Soviet Bear was all ears when our resident HMILF attempted to stir up a hornet's nest. I know this thanks to the online English version of Pravda, Russia's famous newspaper. The atheist, elitist, woman and baby-hating liberal media in this country may have been accused of crossing the line for asking if Palin was the second most qualified republican in this country to be president. But they come off like Cuddles the Kitten compared to the Russkies.
How bad have the descriptions of Palin been in their press? You are about to find out, and the comments that follow each quote are me, uhm, defending the woman about which our country seems to have so much new found pride.
"Palin- The Devil in Disguise"
First off, it is a pretty expensive disguise. This isn't your $19.95 devil costume from the Halloween section at Party City. The glasses alone are $375.00 if they are in stock, and the suits go for a cool twenty five hundred bucks each. Look for them at a chain store called Small Town Values with locations in places you've never heard of all over America. As for the devil thing, take that up with her pastor at your own risk.
"Mrs. nobody know-it-all shrieking cow from Alaska"
Excuse me, but she was actually first runner up in that pageant. I guess you guys can't spell wikipedia in Russian.
"The joke of American politics"
As hard as this may be to believe for...well, just about anyone, I'm sure we will eventually top her in this category.
"Gossip merchant and cheap little guttersnipe"
As for the gossip thing, her boss doesn't actually let her have conversations with anyone. And guttersnipe season isn't until after Christmas in Alaska, unless you are a bow hunter.
"Pith-headed little bimbo from the back of beyond"
Alaska may be pretty remote and uninhabited, but it has oil. We invade countries to get our hands on that stuff. Try picking on the Dakotas.
"Your country has enough failed mothers as it is"
Uhm, hello...Williow, Frack, Pipecleaner, Twig, and Pistol. She has definitely pulled off the pro-creation thing.
"Keep your mouth shut, and while you are at it tell members of your family to keep their legs shut"
Teen pregnancy rates are ridiculously high in the southeastern United States, an area that traditionally votes republican. So having a knocked up 17 year-old daughter is like throwing an eight state campaign rally.
"A Worthless Bag of Hair"
Ask Crystal down at The Hair Affair how much scratch she's been making since she got the Palin wigs in two weeks ago. And that's good for the economy.
"total ignorance" in regard to the Bush Doctrine
Maybe so. But in fairness to Palin, it's named after a guy who doesn't understand it either.
So take that Russia. Now excuse us as a country while we go drink Scandanavian vodka and try to say the name Putin without laughing.
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